Chorp
"Chorp is back, but he’s got China on the brain" was all it said. Within a couple of days we were waiting by the baggage claim waiting for our furry friend.
Hours went by before we spotted him arguing with a baggage claim attendant, we quietly paid off the attendant and got him in the car. We laid out a simple plan for him: a 2 week detox at the Capyac ranch, followed by a month of treatment in the Hamptons, all expenses paid. "We want you to want to get better, Chorp. And then come work for us." With tears welling in his little eyes, he begrudgingly accepted and began on the first of many of our journeys to get him better.
But, as with many addicts, 6 days into his Hampton retreat he was caught shooting up with his fellow addicts under the basement stairs listening to the song 'Butt Gush' by Sailor Poon. They had no other choice but to toss him out, and a few days later he was spotted pushing a chimp-built raft off the coast with dreams of crash-landing in Ibiza and keeping the party going forever. And that was the last we saw of Chorp. If you see him, please contact Capyac headquarters as soon as possible.
Chorp's Life Highlights
- Dec 2 1971 Chorp is spotted backstage smoking reefer with Nixon in the back room of Sammy’s Cantina.
- Dec 3 1971 A picture of Chorp with Hugh Hefner and Helmut Newton appears on the cover of Vogue magazine.
- Jan 1st 1972 A small plane is stopped by Escobar in Norman’s Cay with 3 million in cocaine. A polaroid snap of Chorp with his mother is found in the back seat.
- Mar 2 1974 Chorp makes a brief appearance on stage in the hit Broadway musical "Cats."
- Sometime in 1975 A picture of Chorp and Bill Gates in Bill’s garage. The message on the back says " I’m sorry Chorp but it has to be me."
- Apr 12 1981 Chorp is caught inside Nasa HQ prior to the launch of the Space Shuttle Columbia. Spends three years in Jail.
- May 1st 1984 Chorp is released from jail and immediately lands a job manufacturing weapons for Lockheed Martin
- Jan 6th 1990 Chorp is spotted digging a grave for his beloved pet Bombo beneath the Tower of Pizza. The next day it’s closed due to safety concerns.
- Jul 16th 1993 Chorp helps birth a young stallion.